Speaking of young—I’m not naming names (mostly because I can’t pronounce them) but I am not convinced that the Chinese women’s gymnastic team are all the “legit” age of 16. And since it’s morally and ethically wrong to slice ‘em open real quick to check their rings like a tree—I have developed a safe and fool proof age-detector test.
1. Break the news that the next Harry Potter film which was supposed to be coming out in November this year, now won’t be out until Spring of ’09. Whoever has a nervous breakdown is either a 45 year-old New York recluse who collects newspapers and cats OR not even close to being 16.
2. If one of the girls “happens” to mysteriously lose a tooth on oh, I don’t know- some organic homemade bread. Casually mention that the Toothfairy’s been banned from China for trying to free Tibet and see who gets little tears in their eyes. (That’s a dead giveaway!)
3. Lastly, just leave a box of Tampax tampons in their rooms and any girl who asks “Why are those Q-tips are so big when my ears are so little?” Yeah, um they clearly shouldn’t be competing in the 2008 Olympics either.