Discover the Discovery Network

You ever have a bad day? Week? Year? Sure, we all have! But forget Paxil or Cymbalta or any of those other drugs whose side effects have progressively worsened over the years. Y’all remember when once upon a time the worst side effects from a prescription anti-depressant were possible headaches and explosive diarrhea. Now it’s paranoia, hallucinations and occasional thoughts of suicide—Really Pfizer?! Really Glaxo??!

I say screw that prescription crap and do what I do. When I’m feeling down I medicate the good ol’ fashioned Generation X way: ESCAPISM—via a mixture of voyeurism and technology. That’s right. I turn on the boob tube and let the magic healing happen. Don’t get me wrong I’m pro-active about it. I don’t just zone out to any television program. I go straight to one of the Discovery Networks many channels where I know in just minutes I’ll be feeling better about my own life. When I have a bad set at a comedy club I just go home and watch American Loggers or The Deadliest Catch. I assure you not getting a laugh on a joke is way less painful than getting my arm caught in a king crab cage or being squished by a Redwood. But I use Discovery’s programming to heal other areas of my life too.

Case in point Mat and I went to Virginia Beach for 4th of July weekend this past summer. It was probably the worst holiday either of us had ever had. We fought, he broke his brand new phone, we never made it to the beach and the best part—we watched fireworks from the 10th floor of our hotel room with our heads pressed against the glass so hard we left face prints.

I was feeling pretty crappy about our vacation until I watched a show on the Animal Planet called “Monsters Inside Me.” A young fun-loving couple much like Mat and myself had gone to South America for an adventure. And they got one! They hiked, met natives, saw artifacts, took in the local culture and they ate & drank the local cuisine.  The last activity was where they got screwed. In one of the dishes they consumed were teeny tiny microscopic parasites. Parasites that once digested latched on to their intestines, grew to about 15 feet and caused them each to drop about 20lbs. Now, I’m all about losing my extra weight but I’d rather not go the route of becoming violently ill because a worm is stealing all of my nutrients for itself.

Hell, after seeing that I realized Mat and I got off easy. And you’re full of crap if the thought of knowing you have never had to experience being hospitalized because a 15-foot tapeworm who suctioned itself to your ass and be surgically removed doesn’t turn your frown upside down. Please, if that doesn’t make you feel better about your own life and vacation from hell I don’t know what will.