Crappy Dilemma

Yesterday, I received an e-mail from my Chihuahua’s vet saying that it was time for a parasite check-up. Which as it turns out means they need to inspect her cute little puppy poop. So being the good dog-mother that I am I called her vet immediately to make an appointment. To my surprise the receptionist said, “Oh, we don’t need to see her. All you have to do is just drop a sample off.” Well, that’s all fine and good and it wouldn’t be an issue if I lived IN Long Island where the vet is located. But I live in Manhattan about 50 miles, $11 worth of tolls and a quarter tank of gas away. Now, I love my dog more than chocolate and would give her a kidney if she needed one. But I’m trying to be smarter about money and keep my carbon footprint down.

So my quandary is this: would it be out of the question for me to mail in her poop? Part of me can’t even believe I’m writing this, but I really am torn. I mean technically it’s not illegal, right? It’s not a liquid, perishable good or flammable. And when you think about all the sh*t we get in mail on a daily basis- well this is just the literal version and it’s for a darn good purpose. Well, now I’ve just convinced myself this is the thing to do. So I’m going to throw caution to the wind package up my little darling’s tootsie roll in a discreet but hygienic manner and thank the good ole USPS for their service in getting my dog’s Priority Poop into the right hands and for the bargain price of only $4.05. Can’t beat that with a bat!…Umm, you don’t think someone will go postal over this do you?