Misunderstood: R. Kelly's a Mormon

Y’all things aren’t always as they seem. You don’t believe me just ask the wives of Former Governors Elliot Spitzer and Jim McGreevey and, uh, don’t forget Congressman Vito Fossella’s old lady. These women married men they thought were honest upstanding citizens but ended up with a “Closet John”, a “Gay American” and a “Baby Daddy.” Who knew?!

But c’mon with so many people having secret lives these days it’s hard to know who’s who and what’s what!

Perfect example—singer R. Kelly has been under scrutiny for years for his “alleged” marriage to R&B singer Allyah when she was just 15 years old. And now he’s on trial for “allegedly” making a sex tape with another under-aged girl. People think he’s a sick bastard and are using pretty harsh language; even calling him a child molester. Y’all have it all wrong. He’s not a dirty old ego-maniac. He’s just an FLDS Mormon. Helloo!—Now, he may be the only “Black” faithful follower of extreme sect leader Warren Jeffs- but doesn’t it make sense? I’m not quite sure how they met since Kelly was in Chicago and Jeffs was in Utah, so I’m guessing it was an on-line thing. I can only imagine what Jeffs chatroom hook was- probably something like: “You think people should worship you? Are you old enough to know you’re a sick SOB- but you’ve got enough money and power that your followers support you no matter what? Do you think society has it all wrong and Chuck E. Cheese IS a great place to pick up chicks? Then I’ve got the thing for you.”

And hopefully society has the thing for them- it’s called PRISON. And if there is a God these men will be cellmates with a 400 lb bruiser who generously turns the tables and shows them what it’s like to be an under-aged girl. That’s fair!