Summer Couture Part #1

Summer is here and from what I’ve seen some folks are taking liberties with themselves and with fashion they shouldn’t. Ladies in sundresses who look like you’ve got an orangutan in a headlock. I am talking to you!….Unless of course you’re French or “play softball”—in that case “You Go Girls!” However, if you do not eat brie every day OR teach P.E. at the local high school, then the under arm “yak attack” look is OUT and you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. I’m not saying you have to shave- but you’ve got options: there’s Nair, waxing, and a great product called Nads—which I think is very apropos ‘cause if you don’t do something… nads may just be the last you ever see.

Speaking of men—Don’t y’all think you’re getting off the hook. I get it, you’re “MANLY” men and you’ve got hair growing out of more places than I care to think about. But I’m sorry, if when you take your shirt off it looks like you’re wearing a mohair sweater—you gots to do something about it! If you’re not sure I’m talking about you… stand shirtless in a two-way mirror. If you look like the second or third figures on the human evolution chart ixnay on the ank-top tay!

This last tip if for everybody men and women alike. You have got to take care of your toes. If you look like you should be saying “Ca-caaw Ca-caaw” instead of hello as a greeting…your feet are busted. If Jack Hanna invites you to come with him to the Tonight Show not as his guest but to perch on his shoulder … Guess what?! You NEED A PEDICURE!!!

Don’t just do if for you- do it for everyone who has to look at you. This has been a public service announcement for those who like to keep their lunch down at the beach.