Be You. Be Limitless. | Speaker - Humorist - Author | Karith Foster
  • Who is Karith Foster?
    • Speaker
    • Humorist
    • Author
    • Watch Now
  • Perfect or Happy
    • Seminar
    • Quiz
  • Booking
  • Press Kit
  • Contact
  • Inversity Solutions

Texas Karith vs. New York Karith #3

1/26/2009

Comments

 
I’ve been a public personality on the radio for a little over a year now and many people know me as the sweet, well-meaning girl from Texas and they’re right- but I’m complex people. Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde there is a dark side to Karith Foster. A side that I try not to let anyone see, but I realize by holding that part of myself back I’m only hurting ME and cheating YOU!

It’s come to my attention that teen sensation Miley Cyrus aka Destiny Hope Cyrus aka Hannah Montana aka Billy Ray Cyrus’ girlfriend…I mean daughter has a 7-figure book deal. Y’all she’s 16 years old! Now the Texas me thinks it’s wonderful- what I wouldn’t have given to been paid to share my tormented teenage thoughts with the world. But the New York me is like, “Whoa!!! Whoa!! Whoa! Wait a f*ckin’ minute! You’re 16 Miley!!! What could you possibly have to say that’s worth my dropping $24.99 at a Barnes and Noble?! Girlfriend, that’s a mani/pedi Monday through Wednesday…Here’s the deal, unless you’ve been trapped in a wall in an attic in Holland with your entire family for a few years- you got nothin’ to say. Unless you survived Darfur, a tsunami or you’re an escaped sex slave from the Ukraine, I don’t want to hear it. I’m not saying you won’t eventually have a story- just come back to me when you’ve lost all your baby teeth and had a visit from “Aunt Flo”.

I also saw in the news recently that a Chinese zoo has suffered it’s 3rd Panda Bear attack in 2 years. One case was a lonely man who just wanted to cuddle. The Texas me “gets” it. Pandas are always portrayed as sweet furry black & white “nuggets of love” that anyone with a heart would just wanna give a great BIG BEAR HUG to. But New York Karith is like, “Snap out of it jackasses! The operative word here is ‘BEAR’. Panda BEAR! Not Panda Puppy! Not Panda Pussy Cat! Panda frickin’ BEAR.” Bears eat people. You know what’s even more upsetting is that ½ an hour after the bears snacked on the Chinese natives they were hungry again. Damn shame.

Comments
    Picture

    Karith Foster: Speaker, Humorist, Author

    Karith Foster is a stand-up comedian, motivational speaker, TV & radio personality, actress, author, blogger and entrepreneur.

    Booking!

    Karith Foster's Topics of Laughter

    All
    Allergic To Chocolate
    American Loggers
    Asian Co-worker
    Barack Obama
    Barfight
    Black Co-worker
    Blowing A Bubble
    Carbon Footprint
    Chinese Gymnast
    Comedian Videos
    Comedic Rant
    Comedy Videos
    Corporate America
    Corporate Comedian
    Countess
    Cross Country Universal Truths
    Discovery Network
    Diversity
    Driving Etiquette
    Ellen Degeneres
    Executive Leadership Skills
    Fantasy Football
    Fantasy Politics
    Fidelity
    Finders Keepers
    Forever Young
    Garden Gnome
    Green Card
    Halloween Costumes
    Handcuff Lady
    Harry Potter
    Howard Stern
    How To Be A Successful Comedian
    Humorist
    Imus
    Inner Child
    Karaoke
    Kardashian Costume
    Karith Foster
    Las Vegas Comedy
    Latino Executive
    Madonna
    Mailing Dog Poop
    Mamafest Destiny Syndrome
    Men I Date List
    Michael Jackson
    Monogamy
    Monsters Inside Me
    Mormon
    Oxygen
    Pedicure
    PETA
    Public Restrooms
    Radio
    Respectable Comedian
    R. Kelly
    Texas Vs New York
    The Deadliest Catch
    Things Not To Say
    Tiger Woods
    Toddlers
    Vajayjay Vacation
    Vanessa Williams
    Vegetarians
    Winermobile
    Working Moms

    RSS Feed

COMMUNICATION - ACCEPTANCE - RESPECT - ENGAGEMENT

Humorist
Speaker
Author
Radio/TV Personality
Privacy Policy
Press Kit
Karith Foster | Waking Girl Web Design
  • Who is Karith Foster?
    • Speaker
    • Humorist
    • Author
    • Watch Now
  • Perfect or Happy
    • Seminar
    • Quiz
  • Booking
  • Press Kit
  • Contact
  • Inversity Solutions